Being a Good (Conflicted) American Citizen

Forty eight days back and three interviews later, I am an Americorps IT VISTA for the Phoenix Charter Academy in Chelsea (Boston), Massachusetts. This wouldn't be nearly as interesting if I stuck to the rules regarding no blogging about work, and just didn't mention any of this. However, I will be discreet enough to use only initials and no physical descriptions of people at all.

Also, this still does fit into the mission statement of this blog, because America is very clearly a part of the international community. Just because I grew up here doesn't necessarily mean there are no new things to see; these places are local to me - but maybe not to many people who come here to see what's up with Lily.

Americorps is a program run by state governments to give qualified citizens two year-long contract jobs in their lives, in service to grassroots organizations, local communities and the state. I imagine that rules differ according to state. In return, I get experience in my chosen field and a medium sized stipend; it's a good amount of money that's not enough to live off of. VISTA stands for Volunteers in Service to America.

Chelsea is reachable through some bus lines running from the Orange Line Haymarket Station. I take bus 111 everyday. The Phoenix Charter Academy is a semi-privately funded, publicly run school for students who, for some reason, don't fit into the normal public high school system. Sample scenarios are that they are English Language Learners, were truant at other schools, or need some help with teen pregnancy or small children. Our current recruiter, JC, goes around recommending the school to kids in churches, on street corners, in rehab centers, counseling centers, hospitals, and other places (wherever people may need a good education to get their lives together, but don't know where to look).

We have our own team of counselors. The teachers are especially trained to discipline and educate inner city kids. There is a daycare center, complete with training for new parents, available on campus. The rules are strict. The curriculum is intense and aided by technology. There is a government subsidized meals program. Grassroots organizations like this really, really give me hope.

My role in this organization is less than clearly defined. While it means that I am generally a government funded volunteer for the Academy who works with information technology, my supervisor LS can lend me out to whoever needs a spare hand. Because of the special student population, I am also a part of the training that Fellows (think teacher assistants), teachers and administrators go through, which means that I function as half a teacher and am expected to enforce all the rules and enable this life-turnaround politically correct culture. There is a whole sociological approach and positive language (all in English, ha ha) that go along with this.

It sounds very philanthropic and awesome, right? Of course. Then why am I conflicted?

Despite having been a teacher in a foreign country, and maybe wanting to continue in the educational field, I wonder if I am actually capable enough to reach out to these children, when sometimes I can't completely break my own mental barriers regarding the way I think another person is when he starts describing himself with a label. I am also unsure of the meanings behind my own labels - Chinese, American, female, educated, writer. It must be only human to think about and redefine oneself daily.

I believe I have to take care of myself (I need to stop taking mid evening naps, for starters) to have enough energy and reevaluate what assumptions I hold about other people, and let these assumptions go. It's hard to know exactly how to do this. I could very well have been one of these at-risk kids. Whenever I don't yet know what to do, it may be best just to be quiet for a while and listen.

A Wistful Letter

Goodbye, South Korea. You were kind of good to me.

There's too much going on inside you, and when crowds gather, everyone pushes everyone. I'm too short and impatient for that. Being outside of your structure has its benefits and drawbacks. While we are easily forgiven for any social faux pas that we commit, we are also not considered real people. Sometimes, when some people realize we don't speak Korean, we are simply dismissed with a hand wave. The older citizens of this country tend to be very pushy - and while most are well meaning, there are those who are downright condescending - like anywhere else, I suppose. I never enjoyed bowing. I could have, but didn't care about your fashion standards. My luck with jobs in you was also not great; I know some other people had a much better time than I did.

However.

You gave me an honest living for twenty months, and I met many friends here. I had many adventures that I will hold dear to my heart for many decades. Your kids taught me more words in your language than your adults did. I would still enjoy teaching. Isolated from American politics and the Western way of thinking for a while, I realized the effects upon me from where I grew up, who my parents are, and the small actions that I took. Both apartments that you provided me with were very easy to live in, and I felt at home. You gave me a cat. I experienced both rural Korean life and small city Korean culture. Your food was great. Your citizens are unexpectedly helpful at the most surprising moments. Your country is safe. You taught me that in struggles between individual and society, sometimes it's not so bad when society wins.

You taught me to live alone. You taught me to begin to pursue what I want, or even to begin to think about exactly what it is that I want.

Thank you.

These were all the thoughts running through my head as I repacked my luggage in front of the check-in counter to adhere to the "only one" rule, and then went to the ticketing counter to pay an extra $75 for the second luggage. These are the feelings falling from my steps as I went through security, then when the personnel at immigration took my Korean identity card away from me.

If I could hug a whole country and donate my tears, I would. There are surely things that I haven't done and seen yet, and someday, I will come back and pursue them.

For all my friends I met here, you better stay in contact - I am getting a smart phone and downloading Kakao Talk for sure!

Footing Around Unseo, Incheon

Previously, on Lily Internationally, I was in Incheon wandering around preparing to go to Japan. The part of Incheon that I was in is another island, cut off from the rest of Incheon, but connected through this very long bridge - the longest that I have ever seen. It was Unseo. I had taken the express bus from Cheongju to Incheon International Airport, and then took the airport railway to Unseo, and taken a taxi to the hostel.

The hostel was someone's house with extra rooms, and I bought a bunk for about 28,000won. It was the Lazy Bird Hostel. After paying and settling in, I checked messages then decided it was time to go out and wander around. The owner told me to walk a straight line towards the west, and I did, and so hit downtown. There aren't a lot of people out, mainly because it was early Sunday and most people would still be resting in bed. I got myself some food, and walked down kind of a back alleyway.

There was a massage place, and I decided to go inside. There was only one person there, and she was a Chinese lady. The only way I could tell was because the music she was listening to contained Mandarin. I ordered a foot massage, and for forty minutes, she shiatsu'ed my feet, calves and thighs and it was heavenly. The walls had purple wallpaper and giant pink sakura flowers. The pad I was lying on was pretty comfortable.

When I walked back out into the sunlight, I was much more comfortable, but also 40,000won poorer. I wandered for several more blocks, went in and out of the LotteMart, took in the urban landscape. After I came out of Paris Baguette from buying some food I was going to eat back at the hostel, a conversation started between myself and an American man who was teaching in China, but came over to Incheon to take some time off and wait for his visa to be renewed. He said his name is Dennis. We sat in a coffee shop and talked for a good while.

Because he had always just come to Incheon but never to other parts of the country, I decided that I would quickly show him Seoul Station through the airport railway. We bought him a ticket and rode to Seoul Station, sharing various life stories and whatnot. He told me about his former wife, his three sons, and the girlfriend of one of his sons. I shared specifically how lost I am in life, but how content it is to be this lost.

When we arrived at Seoul Station, we looked around briefly. I bought a new pair of pants - mainly because I was cold. He didn't have more time to explore, so we went back onto the airport railway and went home. But we got off at the airport instead of at Unseo, so we had to cab it back to Unseo. The taxi driver was an old man with a bad attitude who ripped us off of 800won. It's nothing, but I didn't see why he had to do that. I took another taxi back to the hostel I was staying at.

Before going to bed, my roommate and I started talking. He is also a teacher, but he's teaching English in Indonesia, and he may have been from the Philippines. His name is Mariano. He has a real passion for teaching, and over time has started to learn the dialect that his students speak. He's staying in this hostel because he's on vacation and is going to visit a handful of friends who are all in Korea, in different cities around the peninsula.

The day ended, and I fell asleep almost immediately to prepare for the next day.

Korea Somewhat Interrupted

Hi, guys. I am UNBELIEVABLY tired, because it's been a very hectic day despite my no longer having a job. Let's go over what happened, also because I am a bit too rattled to go to sleep at the moment.

This morning, a friend took me to Choongdae, the local university, so that we could book our individual flights. I had a samgeokkimbap for breakfast. I booked my flight to Japan for a very good price of around $350. Then he and I went to get omerice for brunch.

Then, I went back to the animal hospital to get the rabies certification for my cat Eugene. Even though I wanted to take him on the flight with me, there are two layovers for the cheapest flight, so I don't want him to suffer much. I buckled and emailed the Pet Airlines guy to pick him up on the 27th. While I am in Japan, my yoga teacher will be taking care of him for a week.

After that, I decided to ship a suitcase at the post office, but of course, found out once again that they won't ship suitcases (especially not by sea) if it's over 20kg. So I ended up having to take everything out of my suitcase and put it into 2 boxes they supplied, and the sum came to about $73.

Being very pleased with having booked the flight for Japan, I booked the hostel too, all 7 nights, and wrote down the directions from the airport to the hostel. As I was trying to book my flight home to Boston, I got distracted because there's a woman who wants to take some of the furniture off my hands.

So I attempt to go meet her at 5, but then her schedule intervened, and I wandered around Shinae instead, putting together this Greek/classical outfit for no reason other than vanity. It all cost about $130. But first, I had a blueberry cream cheese waffle and Earl Gray tea for lunch. Then I went home for a while and was facebooking. Then I went to go meet the woman who wants furniture. I remember thinking, I spent a lot of time at Choongdae's front gate today, while drinking a small size aloe juice.

She came by, she's very friendly and talkative. We went back to my apartment, and she wanted all the things she said she would, so I helped her take the bookshelf, bookcase and water kettle to her apartment. We had to dismantle the bookshelf a bit first. I also gave her quick dried food I knew I wasn't going to finish. And a 3-meter ethernet wire. We got to talking, and she's also from Boston. I miss Boston. We got a cab back to her place, which is very far on the other side of town. She gave me $10 for the taxi home, and I was grateful.

Then I went outside and took the bus. But the bus was the last bus and stopped only at the bus rest stop where they all go at the end of the night. I got off, but I had no idea where I was. I remember the lady talking about it, and I am very much at the east end of town. I walked for about 15-20 min. before I could find a taxi. I was so relieved when I did, because I was getting hungry again. Most of the food I had had all day were snacks. I bumped into the head teacher who helped fire me when I got home, and I told him life is awesome without TOPIA.

When I got home, one of my photographers asked me to register with Forever 21 the Korean site, so I did that fumblingly, while trying to finish booking my flight home. In the few hours I was gone, the price had gone up $200! @.@ So then I finished booking my flight home - because it was still cheaper than the other prices, even the price at Choongdae. Then I registered for a familiar clothing store - in a foreign language.

After that, I realized there were huge holes in my plans to paraglide with my friends on the 16th, so I called the company again to fix those holes, and now there is much more information. But I still faltered and kind of freaked out in front of my friends. I emailed my mother and sister about the cat. I plotted out the rest of my schedule with my Australian Korean BFF, and we're going to some herb gardens tomorrow, with something as yet unknown for Wednesday. Because I'm meeting her tomorrow about 9ish around her apartment, I should go to sleep now.

It will be a deep sleep. Zzzzz....

Company Trip

My brain is tripped out on leftover adrenaline and endorphins right now. Ahh, exercise. Wait, I came here to narrate. Hi! Since the last post, dear coworkers and I had gone on a very surreal company trip to a small handful of places - all of which were beautiful. On Sunday, I hung out with my best friend and we bought hiking boots for me and he gave me a Domo hat. Then one of the easier work week happened for five days, and this past weekend... What did I do on Saturday? I hung out with three girl friends for a Children's Day festival and then enjoyed Avengers with a few new friends on Sunday.

It's amazing that I was able to remember all that. It took a tiny bit of work and looking at random pieces of paper that I had written down on over these past two weeks, mind you. Anyhow, on to the stories. =)

We all stood around awkwardly after arriving at about 8:30am in front of the office building, then we got piled onto a rented tour bus outfitted with flashing lights and a karaoke system. Almost every hour, we stopped for bathroom breaks. The first place we went to was a beach-side seafood restaurant. My, do I Love raw fish. While other people started drinking, I was consuming the essences of the ocean. The conversation around the table was about what exactly is healthy, and giant ginseng roots, and then a Canadian coworker had to awkwardly insult all the Korean men at the table by asking them why there are so many herbs and products that are supposed to help sexual stamina. "Do Korean men really need it, or something?" I told this coworker he was a bad egg in the silence that had fallen over the table. Soon after, the boss told us that we should go walk around the beach - so we did.

The sand was so soft, and the sun was just high enough in the sky. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. All the other women had went ahead to walk by themselves, so that Canadian coworker, a Korean man and I took off our shoes and strolled along the oceanic foam. We made fun of each other, as people do, talking about Diablo 3 which had come out recently, all the different kinds of beer around the world, and the way a towel is the most necessary thing for a traveler - one of the things that he learned from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which I'm ashamed to say I haven't read yet. Then we wiped off our feet to pile back onto the bus and head to our next stop - a Buddhist temple.

Most Buddhist temples look the same. They're all in high places, but this one is especially commercialized with restaurants and a woodsy walkway leading up to it. I had started taking pictures. My two traveling companions and I started talking about religion and those kinds of beliefs, and why a person should focus on either the here and now, or the afterlife. When we came back down to find the bus, the rest of the crew were somewhere enjoying the rice wine near the temple. The Korean man was sad that he had missed it, but neither the Canadian nor I want to drink. We sat in the shade of the bus until everyone came back.

After everyone got on the bus, we're now going to the last stop on this trip, which is a barley field. When we got there, the sun was fairly low in the sky, so it cast a warm glow over everything it touched. The grass and the barley moved with the wind like waves, and tourists like ourselves populated the little dirt paths in between the vegetation. There were horses, very tired horses pulling horses, and in a fenced in area somewhere to the left middle, there were sheep. I liked the smell of barley - I eat so much wheat and bread based products that it's practically all I'm made of. My Korean and Canadian coworkers fed bits of plants to the sheep, because apparently, they made my Korean coworker uncomfortable so the Canadian suggested that he should go feed them to overcome his fear. There were little tents of products, but everyone was very drunk still and we didn't stay long.

On one part of the trip where we were all on the bus, a bunch of drunk men decided to blast the karaoke system on the bus with its flashing lights and sing and dance awkwardly. None of them looked particularly good dancing, and half of the bus was trying to sleep so they were all very irritated. Apparently, it gave one woman a headache, and she said that all this is distracting to the driver, so technically it's illegal. I was amused at the whole lack of intelligence in the situation, especially when one of the Korean American men demanded that the bus be stopped so he can pee. So then a couple of men peed together by the side of the highway.

We all got back to Cheongju about roughly 9pm or so. The sky was dark. The director asked me if I enjoyed it, and I said yes, I had fun. It's hard not to have fun when given a free tour of places I've never been before, along with free food, and then being perpetually amused the whole way at all the social awkwardnesses my Korean and one Canadian coworkers can impose on each other because we were the people who didn't have a valid reason that the management could accept to get out of this trip. It was a situational comedy. So yes, I had fun.

Cycles of the Moon

During quieter moments, I often wonder how life would be different for me if I were Korean and had to go through this school system. They study roughly sixteen to eighteen hours a day. Up until recently, that included Saturdays as well, which means only one resting day. Aside from art class, most of the curriculum is comprised of memorizing ginormous amounts of information. I have no doubt that were I in one of their places, I would be much less likely to be the writer I am today. Their legal system is completely different, so I would imagine the whole process of getting published is also completely different. I love their equivalent of Borders, though.

Nevertheless, they are who they are, and I am myself. Once more a semester has ended, and another new one has begun. Most of it is the same, but I have two new textbooks to teach to fairly low level kids. Aside from the usual grappling against altering my own style to suit these books, there are a few more challenges this semester. One of them is the familiar challenge of kids staring at me because they have no idea what I'm talking about - I'm just the strange foreigner who's telling them what to do and they're trying to figure it out. The other is that since Sean quit, everyone in the office has at least one day per week where we teach five classes in a row. This makes for really long days, and for me, they are Monday and Thursday.

Some students leveled up, and others didn't. Every class is new, because there is at least one kid I don't know. But there is a comfort level with the kids that I do know. The other challenge is that not all the textbooks came at the same time, so there are some classes where we had to basically make up some random thing for them to do. The head teacher decided to make them write a self introduction essay and then present it. I got called in for a talking to because some kids said others were playing with their cell phones, and also some say I was under prepared. It's not just the kids who don't have books sometimes, though - we teachers don't get copies of the books for some classes.

In terms of personal challenges, sometimes I feel that maybe because Koreans grew up in such a competitive society, they get used to acting like they always have something to prove. Literally everything is a competition. Today I was told that it's common for students to put their test scores on their resumes for consideration by colleges, and then later, as graduates for consideration by jobs. Everyone seems to have a do or die attitude.

The academy owner likes to annoy me by keeping close tabs and coming into my classes in attempts to point out things that I've missed. For example, after I got a talking to about some students playing with their phones, he caught someone and took the student's phone in front of me. I'm sure that in his mind, he's trying to help and this is his way of motivating me or something, but I really just feel harassed.

Then I feel like this is the way this society works. If someone higher than you in status feels like you're not doing something that you ought to, they'll just harass and alternatively make your life miserable until you hide all your feelings of scorn and contempt for them, even if you take only the most minimalist steps in doing what they want.

From what I gather, the whole atmosphere when it comes to foreigners has become somewhat more hostile. Because another coworker is quitting soon, the academy owner is urging us to turn our documents in to him again, to make sure that the organization has hold of our visas, with the excuse that it's an order from the government. The government itself is making the contracts of even the public school teachers much more dependent on their staying for the entire duration of the contract. In somewhat related news, I just got my national criminal background check, but I wonder if it's worth the effort to find another job in this country if it means staying here for a longer period of time.

Korean Driving

Everyone has a GPS - who needs a map? For a country that's about the size of Pennsylvania, it's interesting that they don't bother to navigate. Out in the rural areas where I am situated, there are also no sidewalks, which can be a bit hazardous in the dark or the winter, but I am careful.

Everyone seems to own something between a sedan to a caravan; if it's a mobile business, then they might have a van for their wares, but overall, people here are not a fan of huge vehicles. Maybe this is because that might be more dangerous, considering that most Koreans switch lanes very quickly and use their left or right signals only for a second or two. There are very few red cars, or any cars with bright colors. I think the most well known company is Daewoo.

The bigger the city, the wider the roads, but that applies anywhere. Only a few crosswalks have traffic lights with buttons for pedestrians to push. Their crosswalks are generally kept new and well colored. During the traffic jams, the block can last for a long time, but it's still generally faster paced than the awkwardness on a Massachusetts highway. When it comes to accidents, even a scratch is considered an accident here, so then both parties put on their warning lights right in the middle of the road and exchange insurance information. They don't bother to pull over to the side.

As far as I can see, all the Korean vehicles are stick shift. They also have an extra knob on their steering wheels so that they can make turns more accurately and swiftly, which is necessary for avoiding other cars, navigating tight streets in the rural areas and such. Some Koreans don't wear seatbelts - they don't consider it a necessity.

This is my first winter here, and they don't have snow salt. They use shovels, there are no snow plows, and they put sand on top of the snow which barely helps. Sometimes they also use water to melt the snow, which just turns it into ice, but I guess makes the area more flat.

It's not clear to me whether they make room for police cars and ambulances when these emergency vehicles have to pass. The emergency cars have sirens on them, but... While there are some drivers in the US who would let the other guy pass out of niceness or for the heck of it, that rarely or never happens here. There's also a lot less room between cars on a busy street. And if you're taking public transportation, the buses generally don't wait for people - neither does the subway.